SUICIDEGIRL

I turn 50 in less than two months. It lords over me like a dark cloud. More than half of my life is over. I have done many things; I've lived a full life. Perhaps not to some people's standards. How do others measure success? By money earned? If so, I am hardly successful. If that is the standard by which they measure my success I don't even count. I am not a blip on their radar. Material things? Well, then maybe. What is a strong status material item to them? I am more than my material items.
One of the most stressful things about job hunting is that you are being judged, ripped apart, analyzed, judged. Did I already write "judged?" Well, it is because it is the majority of it. How do I sell myself? How do a few words on a few pages come across to others? How do you know me from looking at a few words on a few pages?
Why do I pursue a job when I've failed majorly? Why am I here trying? I have no choice.
Almost 50. The cloud follows me but I can place my hope and strength above my head, beneath the darkness. An umbrella that shelters me. I keep going.